why me?

By: Lauren Zawatski

“Why me?” I recently asked myself. Sometimes I ask this question as a complaint, throwing a whole pity party for one. But this time, I felt more bewildered. How could God, the God of the stars, sun, universe, and all that lies between, be so kind to me? Why is it that even in the middle of my chaos He looks upon me with favor?
 
2019 held many challenging times for me. It was often, if I may, “a hot mess.” Yet, you might have read a post that I had written for our blog in the fall, about the Lord’s faithfulness to me through answering a decade old prayer of mine to go to France. Over these past few months, the Lord has answered yet another prayer of mine - one that has also been years in the making.
 
So I continued to ask myself: why? Why would the Lord answer my prayer now, even after just answering another? The last year had been such a tough one, and I felt as if I had a long way to go in my next season of healing and growth. I certainly didn’t expect God to answer a major request of mine again - not with the muddled state that I was in!
 
Then, one evening as I continued to wonder why, I felt the Holy Spirit say to me: “Lauren, this is just like how even when you were still a sinner, I died for you. Even when you were still a mess, I chose you.”
 
That certainly floored me! I began to feel the warm tears pooling as the Lord reminded me once more of the beautifully simple, straightforward truth of the Gospel. Romans 5:6-8 describes it so well:
 
    “When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for          us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person,          though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially          good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while        we were still sinners.”
 
This is a truth that you and I must daily, even moment to moment, remind ourselves of. How quickly do we turn back to our “default” mindset of working our way to God, hoping that if we’re good enough, if we do enough - only THEN will God care for us. We don’t need to get all of our ducks in a row to know that God hears us. We have the confidence that can only be gained through Christ’s shed blood. He cares for us the same in all seasons and circumstances of life and knows what we need before we even ask. How glorious it is that God truly is our compassionate and caring Father!